He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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