Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
