I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
