so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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