I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
