Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
