...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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