you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
