well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
