is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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