So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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