i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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