I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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