Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
