hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
