I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
