ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just threw up on my dentist
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
