You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
