I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
