Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
