i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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