Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
