Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
