You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
