i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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