i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
