We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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