I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
