Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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