u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
