You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
