he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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