don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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