worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize