Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
