i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize