proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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