Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
