He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
