mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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