Your face is a jimmy john
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
