At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
