this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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