Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
