i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
