I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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