Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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