Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
