you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
