I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
