Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
