I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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