i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
