im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
