I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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