He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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