This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
