Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
