Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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