Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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