Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
