And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
