Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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