why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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