Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
