I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
