margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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