return my video game
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
