haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
