Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
