hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
