my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
did i just pee glitter
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
