the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
