I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize