we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
