It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
