you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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